Oh how I wish I had a Clay Jensen. I thought at one time in my life that I had found my Clay but that person ended up being just like everyone else. I wonder if there really are people like Clay. Are there people who love unconditionally, even when they hate you, how Clay loves Justin? Are there people in the world that would fight the injustices against you when you can't fight them for yourself, the way Clay fights for Hannah? Are there people in the world that challenge you to fight for yourself when your terrified to do it, the way Clay challenged Jessica? Are there people who with continue to encourage you when you've got nothing left, they way Clay encourages Zach, Tony, and the others? Are there people who would stop you from causing harm, relate to you at your lowest, be so openly, emotionally raw, and try to save you, the way Clay stops Tyler? I want to hope that there are but to be honest I just don't think that there are. Or may...
Sometimes I wonder if I am doing enough? Do I do enough for you? For God? For my family? For me? The balance of doing enough for everyone is exhausting. Then there are times when you know that you are the difference you want to see in the world. That feeling is AMAZING.
I have so many thoughts in my head. I don't know where they are going or how they got there. It's so loud in there and yet it so very quiet. I feel like I'm losing my mind but then some things are so very clear. I don't know what to think anymore.
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