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My First Memory

 My very first memory that isn’t a learned memory is of my grandmother’s (Lucille) father.  I had to be less than 3 years old.  He, Frank Price, was a carpenter.  He made the most wonderful furniture.  My grandmother, mother, and many other family members still have the pieces that he made.  He had this workshop behind his house in Sanford.  My first memory takes place in that workshop.  The kids always wanted to be with him and explore that workshop.  I know that we weren’t really allowed to be in the workshop.  Once he did take my sister and I into the workshop.  There was a welcome mat of some kind right inside the door.  He told us to stand on that mat and not to move.   A few years ago we were talking about first memories and I mentioned this memory because for the longest time my first memory was of his funeral when I was three.  I remember being in the church and seeing him in the coffin and my Aunt Donna taking care of me and my cousin Brandon. But this other memory is of him a

White as Snow…Again!?

 Oy! My post “White as Snow” from 2014 was powerful and real and somehow…I lost it.  How is it that 8 years later I still sit here feeling a lot of what I felt then? Is it because I picked it up again? The debt of sin that I had forgiven myself for? Yep. I think that’s it.  I really want to try. My faith was such a large part of who I was for 30+ years of my life but somehow I can’t let that forgiveness stick. Anytime I feel myself getting closer to my faith I feel the guilt and the Devil start in on me again.  I have done this all my life with Larry and forgiving him and picking it back up again. Now I have just replaced the abandonment I had with his role in my life with the guilt of my divorce and choices I have made in my life. I know I’d make them again because I wouldn’t have Micah and Liberty without them. And those children are more than worth every ounce of guilt and pain I have endured.  As I am writing this I realize that in March of 2014 my life was in total chaos. Just a f